(this list is dedicated to you-know-who-you-are)
How Michael Bay movies make my head feel. Indifference (including my own) to suffering. Legalism. People cracking their knuckles. Being misunderstood. Slow drivers. Any movie with Megan Fox in it. Horror movies. Vampire Weekend. Jim Bianco. Any novel by Jim Conrad. Jar Jar Binks and how he ruined Star Wars. Greek epics, actually reading them. They’re crazy boring and I’d rather just Wikipedia it. Give me major themes! The third season of Dexter, the third season of Prison Break, the sixth season of 24. And the middle part of Season 2 of Lost and quite possibly a couple episodes of Season 6. The fact that I actually do need to run three times a week to stay fit. Why can’t I have magical metabolism? Miscommunication. Reality TV shows, even though I admit to be being sucked into them. That is why i hate them. Barry Manilow (sorry, Dad). Smooth jazz, probably the one genre of music in which I find nothing redeemable (again, sorry, Dad). Sports talk radio-I seriously never understand what they’re saying. It’s just noise. Prosperity gospel shippers. Rampant forms of elitism and exclusivity, including the ones in which I regrettably participate. Factory farming and McDonalds and what they’ve done to America. The fact that poverty and indifference to it still exists in this world. Music by Cher. Brahms and his hoity-toity formalistic music—give me schmaltzy Liszt any day. The LRA. Nickelback and Creed. The Second Viennese School of Composers—I can intellectually appreciate what they did, but I’ll never sit around and listen to that noise. The fact that mediocre or terrible musicians attain success (ahem, Britney Spears or American Idolizers) and the fact that some brilliant ones never do. The fact that Citizen Kane is AFI’s #1 film—good movie, but I don’t get it. Paparazzi. But only because Jeanne has made me listen to it a gazillion billion times. Conflict and confrontation. The way you can’t eat Cheetos without getting orange dust all over yourself. The fact that I have terrible eczema and nothing to definitively cure it. When people text me “K” instead of “Ok” (C’mon that’s just lazy, people… to abbreviate the abbreviation). The fact that Jonathan Larson died the night before achieving professional success and cheated the world from a lifetime of music. That Cats is one of the longest running musicals on Broadway. Cockroaches.